I was reading a book the other night in which a massive
betrayal happened between two friends. The thing is the betrayed one knew he
was going to be betrayed and yet he still allowed it to happen, not because he
knew he would escape, he knew he would die but he also knew his death served a
larger purpose. I’m not sure if the writer of the book was meaning to draw
comparisons with the Jesus/Judas narrative but the resemblance is there. This led
me to think over the life of Judas Iscariot, this is what I came up with
Judas like most Jews had probably heard of how the messiah
would come and he looked forward to it, especially because of the rule of the
Romans which was less than desirable. I imagine him to be a pretty smart guy
who was getting by in life. Then he met Jesus, he was actually called by Jesus
and he was enthralled by the wisdom and power of the man. We are astounded by
Jesus’ life from the little we have recorded, imagine how he must have been to
live around. Judas probably knew at once that this was the messiah. He probably
expected any moment that Jesus would make a play for the throne.
Then as time went by his view probably changed. He saw a man
who cared more about telling people how to be reconciled to God than any political
agenda. There was probably some disappointment involved but I figure it was
overtaken by a new agenda. He realized that this man Jesus was a bank with
legs. People would donate money to his every day of the week and twice on Sunday.
Judas being the smart and shrewd man that he was, was only too keen to be the
man to handle the funding, he could even sneak a penny or two out for personal
needs, not too much but just enough to get new sandals maybe even that tunic
with the stripes.
He probably was quite happy that none of the other disciples
were looking to get in on his job, they were more interested in sitting and
listening to Jesus speak, why couldn’t he do both. And then there was also the
power. Jesus gave them power to heal people and even drive out demons. He was
not selfish about this and was keen to do some good. He had a sweet deal going
on and no one suspected him. Three years in he gets tired of constantly being
on the move. His friends from back home had probably settled down with wives
and there he was, still on the move. Jesus words were having less and less an
effect on him, he had heard it all before. Repent this, the kingdom of God is
at hand that. When was it going to end? Then he heard the whispers, the
authorities had enough of Jesus and they wanted him dealt with. Put away,
possibly even killed.
They were on the way to Jerusalem and Jesus sent him and
some other disciple on what he probably looked at as a pointless venture. He
had been on a number before and had gotten used to the spectacle, they would
find things as Jesus said but it meant less and less to him. Turns out Jesus
was organizing a meal for them in Jerusalem but this time it had nothing to do
with him collecting money and buying stuff. Judas must have been disappointed.
During the meal Jesus goes on and on about stuff that wasn’t making sense,
calling the bread his body and the wine his blood, he was always saying
enigmatic things like that. Then Jesus said one of them in there would betray
him, the thoughts were already spreading in Judas head but it reached its worst
when Jesus looked at him and told him to do what he was supposed to do. Judas
had no idea what Jesus was talking about but he had had enough
Off he went, to broker the deal |
As soon as the meal was over he snuck out and made bee line
to the authorities. He was ushered in and explained who he was, then he made
his offer. He would give them Jesus, he would take them right to him but he
needed to be rewarded for his part. The authorities spoke among themselves then
offered him thirty silver pieces, Judas could feel his mouth water at the
thought of that much money. This was substantially more than he could pinch
from the coffers with Jesus at any one time. The authorities mobilized more men
than he thought necessary, considering they said they wouldn’t kill Jesus. He
probably tried to tell them that Jesus was just with the eleven others but they
told him to lead the way and leave the organizing to them. He shrugged it off
and led the way.
As they approached the garden Judas’ heart started beating
faster and faster. As they reached the garden he skulked back a little. The
authorities took it from there. Jesus told them who he was when they said they
were looking for him but they did not move forward, maybe they doubted it was
really him, it being dark and all. Then Judas gained the courage and walked up
to Jesus for the betraying kiss. As he walked up to Jesus he expected Jesus to
be angry or even look sadly betrayed. He kissed Jesus on the cheek and pulled
back.
Staring into Jesus face he saw what he was not expecting.
Not anger, even sadness at the betrayal or even hatred but love. It’s easier to
betray someone when they angry with you but when the person still loves you
despite of what you have done and what you are doing, that just hit a different
nerve in Judas. What he saw in Jesus eyes, on Jesus face must have shook him to
the core. Jesus knew and accepted what Judas had done and still loved him. You
can see Judas at this point turning around and running away in shame, the authorities
did not care, they got there man. As he ran he could not shake the look on
Jesus face. After all he had done, Jesus knew it all and yet he still loved
him. Why? Why would Jesus love him? He couldn’t even love himself. Judas
probably spent a number of hours being tormented by the love of God and his
utter sinfulness till he could take it no more.
He probably looked at the money and saw it as blood money,
he could not have it and could not use it. So he went back to the authorities
to take the money back but the damage was done. Throwing the money at their
feet he ran away, tormented by the very same thought. You can see Judas
troubled by the thoughts of what he had done. He probably wanted some form of
redemption but felt too sinful to be saved. Even if God could and wanted to
save him he figured he wasn’t worth saving. Taking matters into his own hands
Judas killed himself.
Now I have animated the story in parts, well more than a few
parts. But I think the Judas story is one that we can all relate to in one way
or another but the one I want to focus on is the part at the end. God’s love
towards us elicits one of two responses when it hits us in its magnitude. It is
a stumbling block in either situation. Situation one has us broken by it when
we realize that for all we have done he still loves us and is willing to redeem
us. This situation has us running to him for repentance and salvation because
we know that life outside of his grace is hopeless and meaningless. Situation
two is the one where we see ourselves as too sinful for us to be saved and
Judas was a typical case of this. It must be said that not all commit suicide not
even the majority but some do. The rest live their lives always running away
from God because they think they are too bad to be saved
This final scenario is ‘pride clothed in false humility’ to
borrow a phrase from a poem that I like. It is thinking God is not strong
enough to save us. Never equate the power of God to detergent for clothes. Some
think that no matter what the stain will just not go because it is too tough or
it’s in too deep. Don’t be proud like that, one your stain is not tough for
God, nothing is and two God will get you a new shirt, new life, that is better
and brighter than the old one. Quit being Judas, quit running. Leave the pride
behind and come to God for the forgiveness you need, you’ll never regret it
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