This time last year I was lying down on my bed trying to figure out what went wrong and what next. I was at the end of my first year for the third time in three years at my second University studying the same program, Architecture. I told myself “If you don’t make it through this time your are going to have to do something you don’t like for the rest of your life, like accounts or something businessy”. To say the least it was not one of the highest points of my life.
So there I was seated approximately 5655km away from home in a four man room at my University, the only other person in the room was one Mizyao Nyirongo, a fellow Zambian, and it occurred to me that while I was there tormented on the inside he was in his own world oblivious to what was going on with me. Not that I was crying out for help or anything but the thought that hit me was that I might try to explain my issues to someone around but the true burden of it all would only be carried by me. In the words of some cynical guy I know, “Don’t tell people your problems, half of them don’t know what to say and the other half don’t care”. I tend to have such conversations in my head by the way, it’s quite chaotic up there.
As you may imagine such lines of thinking are really depressing and it was really getting to me. So I turned on my computer, I was reading a book at the time, possibly one of the Redwall books by Brian Jacques, turned on the browser and started listening to music that did not help my mood, I was listening to Keane which is not a good idea if you are potentially depressed. I kept sinking and sinking in this despair, it was a lonely place. Suddenly in my mind’s eye a light begun to shine at the end of the tunnel, I remembered that I am never truly alone, God is with me. It’s quite weird talking about it but the thought was followed by a realization of all that had happened alongside all the downs. I begun to realize that there were blessings associated with my situation and I begun to count. I had friends and family who were somewhere far away but believed in me even though I did not believe in myself. I had a God who was looking after me even though I deserved none of his grace. I was in a University that allowed me levels of practice in my field of study that I had been longing for my entire time back home. I was somehow placed in a room with two really decent blokes and a potentially troublesome guy who never spent a single moment in the room, kind of bad for me to be happy about the last part but I was on a roll. It was a good feeling, I turned off the Keane music immediately.
So there I was and it dawned on me that I was given a chance, not just a second but a third. I was given an opportunity and I was to make the most of it. Yeah, I did not know whether I would pass or fail at the end of the semester but who knows for sure so my part was to work hard and do me best. Yeah I had failed before but now was my chance to pass, the past is the past and its purpose is only for reflecting and not dwelling. Yeah, I was in a foreign country and there was no one on the entire island who I had known a month prior to arrival and yet I had somehow found myself in a room with decent guys, I had found myself at a decent bible believing and preaching church in a Muslim country. It was not half bad, not bad at all.
This time last year I was in my room on my bed unsure of the way forward but I was ready to trust God with my future because he did a real standup job getting me to where I was. This time last year I made the decision to do my best in all that I was given and make God and those who believed in me proud. And though at times I have dropped the ball, I will pick myself up each time, dust meself and keep moving forward. This time last year I was ready to take the blind leap not just into the New Year but into the rest of my life and this time this year I find myself on another cliff a little further ahead of the one I was on last year and I’m ready to jump, again
|Things are looking pretty good from here|