In my
younger days I was known to have quite the fiery temper, I’m still quite young
but you get the picture. My temper would rise faster than steam from a kettle
of recently boiled water and my anger would last for quite a while. My older
brother, Mwindula, had this trick where he would call me red eyes whenever I
was angry and run around just out of arms reach. I would be so exhausted after
all the running that I would sleep it off. Not sure if that was his idea but it
worked nonetheless. A day or two ago I
had a confrontation that had me really angry and I remember thinking I have not
felt this worked up in a very long time. This is not an ode to my temper or a
eulogy to it, it is a God please help me deal with it and others can listen in
on my thoughts.
Before I
would get angry for all sorts of reasons, most of them I don’t remember
completely but for those I do I remember they were petty and I am now ashamed
of them. That is one trait associated with anger, we are usually ashamed of our
actions the following day. If not for the reason we got angry then for our
actions because of the anger. The incident that sparked me writing this had me
raising my fists for the first time in a long time, I am not proud of myself
for the actions of that night and I think when most people who are easily
angered look back, they feel some form of shame for either the reason or result
of the anger.
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Anger makes us destroy things we will need later, sometimes even sooner
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The feeling
after it is not so good both because you have all this excess energy and have nowhere
to take it. Your adrenaline levels are up and they don’t go down in a heartbeat.
This state is usually the state that has a lot of us make a number of mistakes
we later on regret. These include but are not limited to saying things we
should not and should never say and doing things we should not do. It has us
make decisions which satisfy us now and yet in the long run are really
damaging. A number of people are currently occupying prisons because of a failure
to handle this part of their anger. Now I am no expert at handling it, never
have been but I am hoping if I can keep me anger in check I will not have to be
but I do know this decisions made at this time are usually rash and stupid. So
there you are with all this excess energy. What do you? How do you spend it? My
father, a smart man, once told me this, granted it is hard to apply but it is
solid advice, “energy is energy”, not a direct quote by the way, me memory doesn’t
work like that. Anyway he talked about how energy provided by the excess
adrenaline rush of anger can be just as productive as all other energy boosts.
A number of the greatest pieces of art, whether in painting, poetry, written
word, architecture, arts and crafts, you name it, were fueled by a passionate
energy such as anger or love. Energy is energy.
Anger is a
fire and fire burns. The object that suffers more from the effect of the fire is
not the big lump of wood that you want to set alight but the match itself. The
match tends to be consumed before the log catches fire and usually a number of
matches not just the one. In short holding on to the anger consumes you more
than you know it consumes the other. I did say more than you “know” it consumes
the other, in short you do not know it is effecting or even affecting the other
person. Whether it is or not is not relevant because you holding onto the anger
is consuming you and that is not a good thing. Letting go is not easy but it is
in your best interest to do so.
Lastly letting
go is technically impossible in the same way that we do not just release energy
into the air, we work it into something. Think of your anger as actual energy,
the energy will not just leave you but has to be put into something or given to
someone. Firstly putting it into something. I like to think of it as you having
this huge piece of limestone in front of you, with all the energy you have you
can produce a beautiful piece that will bring you endless delight in years to
come or you can create monstrosity that will injure you countless times in the
making and countless times after that. I cant break it down any more than that,
sorry. Secondly given to someone. This one is less obvious but is definitely
the better choice. You cannot give people energy, its just not possible, not
even in Harry Potter, but you can give it to God. There is not scientific
explanation for it but he is the only one who can take the pain and hurt that
you feel. How he does it beats me but he does a brilliant job of it, trust me
it works. All you have to do is surrender, admit you don’t have the answers and
look to him for them. The result will shock even you. Me describing the
experience will not do it justice. It’s something so phenomenal you have to try
it to see the beauty, go ahead try it. Go on…
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Seriously, try it sometime. It works
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