A couple of days ago I released my first
ever short film, if you have not seen it its okay because reading this will
give you the full picture though might not be as interesting. Basically the
idea is two guys living together on campus and one is living in a less than
desirable way and it is affecting his roommate in a bad way. I just want it to
be known that a troublesome roommate can be a person who is overly clean in an
OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) kind of way or it can be in a filthy way.
It can be in an argumentative way or even in an overly meek way. Bottom line is
there are many ways of being a troublesome roommate.
Now it is so easy to think the troublesome
roommate is the other guy, after all the only way to see ourselves is through a
mirror or another person’s observations. The problem is that when we look
through a mirror we tend to focus on our good points, its always a “boy do I
look good” situation rather than a “Will me using this much deodorant cause an
issue with the guy in my room has the flu or a sensitive nose”. We are
naturally selfish not just because of indwelling sin but because, even
physically we are always looking at other people, its literally in our makeup.
But we do need to come to a realization that our actions affect other people in
the same way that their actions affect us, its not just about, he hurt me or
she hurt me, its also about I hurt them.
Now I have had my fair share of troublesome
roommates, mainly because I have been at two universities over a period of four
years and only had one roommate who has been in the same room as me for over a
year. Now not all my roommates have been bad and apart from maybe one notable
exception, who was dreadful, they have been manageable. One thing that hit me
during one of these stints with a troublesome roommate is that, maybe there’s
something about me that is causing all this. Now I do know that there is
personal human responsibility in all this but maybe I had a part to play in all
of it. Maybe the things I thought were fine were not fine. Maybe he had trouble
telling me what he thought was out of line the same way I at times had trouble
telling him. I say at times because I am painfully vocal if given the time of
day, and there are quite a lot of hours of day I’ll tell you that.
So maybe it was the times when I was
playing my sermons out loud, not too loud but loud enough for them, my
roommates, to hear. My intention was good but maybe they did not see things my
way. Or maybe it was the times I would play my music really loud, because I had
the speakers or the louder laptop. Maybe it was the way my friends would show
up in the room and make noise every once in a while. Or maybe it was the fact that
I did not verbally tell him when something was wrong in the room but showed it
in my body language. My point is a lot of things can and do contribute to
roommate relations and we must not so headstrong on the fact that the blame is
all theirs. Put yourself in their shoes and maybe they will put themselves in
yours.
But the biggest question is “How do you
solve the problem?” That is a difficult one because even though Dr. Phil and
Oprah Winfrey will have done shows or done something in their advice columns
about this there is not clear cut answer or method. It is trial and error
thing. However there are principles that must be followed. These are, firstly,
you should be able to talk about the issues that arise with your roommate and
not let the tension build up. It is easier to move a single brick than it is to
break down a wall. Secondly, you must make the conscious decision to be the
bigger man/woman, that means when one party loses the temper you should not.
You should be able to reason and take hits for things that you might not be
guilty over. Bring yourself low because unless you are planning on courting
that person pride is never a good idea, and even then it should be used
sparingly. Thirdly and most importantly, because it should be done at all
times, look at yourself and try not to do things that would put your roommate in
a compromising position. Put yourself in his or her shoes, no one likes to be
belittled or made to look like the “black sheep” so don’t make them feel that
way in the same way you would not like to feel that way.
My last words would be to past, present and
future roommates. I have learnt a lot from the past, from both the good and the
bad. And though in all likelihood I was not the best of roommates, I hope you
can forgive the shortcomings of mine. The short film is my dedication to you
guys, especially the current ones [Faith, Evans and Mpendulo], we look forward
to good times ahead. Honorable mention to John “Bode” and Kezala “The Man” Jere
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