Simon Peter and I

I was initially going to call this Peter and I but I know this one guy named Peter, actually I know more than one, and I don't need any of them getting ahead of themselves. Anyway, this morning at Church, Lefkosa Protestant Church [Pronounced Lefkosha Protestant Kilesi in Turkish], I heard a sermon on The humility of Christ and the lessons we can learn there from. It was by a man whose last name was Heaps and his Pastor, back in the UK, thats where he was from, is of the last name Mountain. What are the odds of that, I still cant load that. Anyway Mr. Heaps was speaking from the passage in John 13 where Jesus washes his disciples feet and this in a nut shell is what I got from it.

In those days when one would move in sandals it would be necessary to have ones feet washed upon arrival at someones place of resident, whether yours or otherwise. It is fairly safe to assume that up until the point Jesus started to wash his disciples feet their feet had not been washed. So it must have been quite the shock when Jesus decided to wash their feet. According to Mr. Heaps, and I agree, "This was the greatest show of humility that has ever been seen on Earth, the son of God washing the feet of men" That was quite a staggering thought for me. 

I have often pictured and painted a picture, especially during evangelism, of the most powerful man on earth, lets say the USA president or even the richest man in the world, going to the worst slum in the worst place on earth and finding the most filthy, sick man and the two relating like brothers. Sharing food, the occasional hug, talking about their lives etc. All this would seem strange to me and to some of the people I would tell but these are just men, even in examples they are just men. Here we have the son of God, God himself cleaning the feet of men who had little or nothing to their name, cleaning his followers feet. In the words of a song I like, It causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble. The thought is staggering.

Imagine the two walking, sitting, eating together. That has nothing on Jesus washing his disciples feet

Then in comes Peter, bible Peter not the other guy. See Peter is like me, we often talk too much when we should listen and often speak too little when we should talk. This here was a typical Mwansa moment. Jesus offers to clean Peters feet and first Peter tries to stop him and say it is he who should clean Jesus feet. The thought was right, just misplaced. I sometimes see Peter as a suck up, but that's just me. After Jesus tells him that this is the way things should be, Peter goes in for another extreme, telling Jesus, in that case don't just wash my feet but the whole body. in my mind I imagine Jesus give a small smile, the way you smile at a child who doesn't get the point. In hindsight I have pictured that smile on his face soooo many times in my lifetime.

Jesus then gives brief but weighty statement. Jesus answered, "A person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet; his whole body is clean. And you are clean ..." I had read this countless times and heard it read even more but I had never understood it till today. Peter didn't get it the first time either because he much like me was probably thinking of what to say next or trying to suck up, that's just my thinking by the way. The meaning, or at least one of them, has reference to salvation. It speaks of how we are saved once, we are washed bodily once but during our walk, almost literally, I'm getting tingles by the way, our feet get dirty and we need to constantly look to God to cleanse us.

As we walk our feet will get dirty, there's no two ways about it. We must never be ashamed to get that cleaning of the feet

Speaking as one who falls more often than the next guy this was music to my ears. It was the soft playing of the oboe on a still night with the stars up above. The soft rustle of the leaves in the trees and a bird tweeting in the background. It was that kind of clarity. So often I fall and I feel like a disgrace to the uniform, if you will. I feel as though if I show up to meet with the lord he will turn me away cos my feet have been in disgraceful places. But here I see that not only will he let me in but there will be cleansing for my feet as well. What love is this, that God would continue to look in love upon me a sinner.

I feel like I should stop writing here because this has been enough but it was not enough for Mr. Heaps and so I too must give you all that I got from him like he gave all that he got from his study. The last thing I got was the humility of Christ. The very action of him washing his disciples feet is so staggering. No task in the kingdom of God is below our rank. We must do all we can in whatever capacity we can. The hand cannot speak but it can carry. The head cannot walk but it can learn and guide. Do all you can with the humility that Christ showed.

I left Church with a lot to think about and I am still thinking it over, I just hope that you will too

I Would Be Good Friends with A W Pink

I read the life of Arthur Walkington Pink almost a year ago now and as far as biographies go I think it is the one I enjoyed the most. I have read the life story of a number of people, mainly Christian men and women because I want to know of their walk with God rather than how some guy made a million dollars or how some other guy split twins who were born with their heads joined together. Don’t get me wrong there is some value in reading such books, I just don’t see the reason to keep reading similar, it offers me little or nothing. But I have digressed. I have read the of the lives of men like John Owen, David Brainard and the man who held the top position before Pink took it, Dwight Lyman Moody.

Best buddies we would be

I had heard a lot about Mr Pink from books that he had written, I have also read a few but I was never in a hurry to read his life story after all the man’s name is Pink. But One day during my frequent perusal in my father’s library I came across the book. Picked it off the shelf and dove straight in. It was an intriguing read for me. At this point I have to add a disclaimer, my taste in books is most likely really different from most hence what I call intriguing to others would be run of the mill stuff, I don’t get why you would gloss over such details though.

Anyhoo as I read through the life of the man I saw a couple of similarities between us, not a thousand but a couple. He was my height and build, I checked. He much like me enjoyed a good meal but had little or no chance to ever get fat, much to my dismay though I’m not too sure about him, but possibly him too. He had an avid interest in books. He had a quirky sense of humour and was quite the secluded individual but his love for humanity was great. The last point is one of those that has gotten him the most criticism.

How can you not like that face, he just looks like a good guy

As I read the book I saw something that was not latched on to greatly by the biographer. This could be me making a ginormous leap in logic but I saw his struggle to reconcile reaching out to his fellow men with the message of his saviour with his secluded, sometimes pensive personality. I got this feeling down to T. I wouldn’t call Pinks persona anti-social, but he had a real struggle reconciling those two aspects of his life. His solution may not have been the best or the wisest but the life of A W Pink is testimony to how God is the master at creating beautiful work from blunt tools.

In the life of Pink that I readily associate with is the need to be spent in the service of the master, God, in whatever way brings the most out of his life to glorify God. I saw a man who was willing to be burnt out in service of God. A man who thought to himself my skills lie not in talking to them, so I will spend myself breaking down the bible in diligent study so that they may have access to the truth in its vast array of colour and in turn search for themselves. This is a man who though frail and sickly in his later years would still make sure he would get his message onto paper that the world may know. This was a man who wrote and broke down key truths in the bible for little or no profit to himself. And when he could not write for himself he had someone do the writing while he spoke, such dedication… such dedication

My ideal first collection of books, now you know what to get me for me birthday

In the life of Pink I see little of what I am and I see a lot of what I want to be, I see the picture of burning it all on the altar of a cause that is greater than myself. An eternal cause. I would like to sit with the man and understand what he went through and what it cost him. I would like to sit down with the man and know the flaws as well as the virtues, learn from a man so similar… a man so similar.

In the life of Pink I see so much of what I want to become and yet I also see so much of what I should avoid. The lessons to be learned from people similar to yourself are not just the good things but the bad things as well. Get the virtue and avoid the vice. In my opinion he should not have isolated himself as much as he did. He could have done more for people in his time if he got out of his room more often.  

Thats me and pink having a chat over coca cola

If I were to meet him I would see us enjoying a cold glass of coca cola talking about his life and his study, I know this because many a time we have done so, me with his book and two glasses of coca cola. Granted I drink his share when Im done with mine but that’s beside the point. I figure I will continue to sit with the man and have more conversations in which he will help me understand my bible and my God more. I figure I will continue to enjoy the work of a man who was burnt out for a cause. I figure I would have been really good friends with A W Pink

Ambition Without Passion, Whats Wrong With That

Of late my obsession has been work ethic, I say of late because I tend to bore easily and move on quite fast but this whole work ethic thing has had me longer than the usual. I just love it when an individual, especially me, puts in a serious shift to produce great work. This great work should not be motivated by the payday that proceeds/precedes it or the watchful eye of someone over ones shoulder but must be produce regardless of the two. Whether alone or being watched, whether the person receives a lot of money or none at all, whether the job is being done for yourself or someone else, the aim must be to produce great work. Which brings me to my tittle

It is the desire of most of the young people to climb up the financial ladder of society, get that big job at the firm that is top of the food chain and earn a living. The way to do this in the eyes of most is to get all the degrees that you can or get all the A pluses that you can so that you can be picked ahead of the next guy. This is a decent thing to aim for but there is more to the story than just this. I believe that in order for true happiness in ones work the aim should be great work because all follows that. Great work comes as a result of loving what you do the point of constantly trying to improve or better the product. I’m talking about passion. But let me break down passion and ambition for a bit

Ambition is the need/hunger to rise or achieve, my own definition. It is the drive that pushes us to that goal that we fight for. Problem is with a lot of ambition a lot of people do not care how they get there they just want to get there. So if it means breaking the law, taking shortcuts, bringing others down so you can rise, people would be willing to do it. Picture three hungry guys running towards a plate of chicken on a table. At first they will run for it alone but as one notices the other going ahead of him he will use all the tactics he can to stop the other guys from getting there before him. This picture is the story of ambition, it’s not a nice picture

The picture of passion is a better one. Picture a sculptor trying to get the image in his head out onto stone to turn it into a statue. You can see him painstakingly going over details that others would think are mundane and yet the level of work put in on that part is as much as on the more prominent features. You can see him sanding and chiseling, cutting and wiping, clearing up his work area so that he can see his work better. You see diligence you see love for the work, you see passion. Passion is what causes the person doing the work to go above and beyond. I think that passion comes as a result of you appreciating that your work is something that will being delight to someone else and you knowing that your work speaks for you. No one in their right mind wants shoddy work speaking for them.

Combining the two works like this. Ambition is the drive to reach higher and get more but that ambition should be driven by passion, driven by a love for the work. It is only a love for the work that will allow you to produce something that will cause you to step back once you are done and much like God himself say it is good. Having passion tied with ambition causes you to constantly think of how you can make the work better and better even when you have not been asked to. You want to make the best out of everything because you want to the work to be fantastic.

But what’s wrong with just being ambitious? It is a widely known fact that African politics is quite corrupt. One of the reasons for this in my opinion is that people get into it for the sake of their ambition. They want to earn that money or get that name, problem is because for most of them the ambition is not linked with passion, when the opportunity arises in which only they benefit they grasp that. Passion for the work leads you to do the job right, no weird shortcuts because it is easy or it makes you get what you want fast. Passion for the work causes you to think of your work as a reflection of you and most sane people want the reflection of themselves that people see to be good when looked at through a tele or microscope

How does this apply to none artistic work. It’s easy to think this only applies to the art student or the architect, maybe even the engineer but it doesn’t end there. A computer programmer should have the drive to go above and beyond what is asked for. Do the best you can while you can and then some, that should be the goal. The doctor must work with diligence even though he/she is tired or the situation before them looks small and insignificant. The gardener must think of how to make his work look better and produce more than asked for because he wishes to also be delighted in his work. The lecturer should look to trigger interest and love for the course through his instruction not just maintain the usual monotonous approach the lecturing. The engineer must look to improve the process of whatever he is called to do, making the work more efficient, take less time and look really good.

Tons of examples can be given in relation to this but the best part about all this is that diligence in the work is appreciated by all. When you do that fantastic job that you can really be proud of without cutting the corners just for ambition sake you begin to garner respect for the work that you do. In the long run an application of passion with ambition is very good for you. Im not saying it is guaranteed success, no one can assure you of that, but you will be happy with your work, that I guarantee.

What about if I did not want to do what I am doing now, what should become of this passion? There are two options for this. One, quit. Go to what you want to do but keep in mind that you must be sure of that step, a lot of people use this as an excuse to run away from what they think/say is hard. Run from that lazy approach and put in a serious shift, a diligent shift. Option two, apply yourself more and more into what you are doing, you producing good work should not be limited by love for what you are doing. You should be passionate about doing good work not passionate about your ambition, there is a difference.

Lastly we must always seek to fully apply ourselves in all that we are doing. Be it washing the dishes, cooking, cleaning your room, writing notes, working, etc. Always apply yourself with a passion for the work being done. In the long run such application will benefit not just you but those around you as well

Vendetta Preaching

I am writing this not long after hearing a sermon about the marks of a Christian. It was a breakdown of what Christians should do and live by in order for people to see that they were Christians. A brief overview of it was that since only God sees the heart and man the outside then there must be something that can be done on the outside that will show people the presence of God on the inside. As soon as I heard that I thought, spot on lad, I like to call people lad every once in a while, you’ll get used to it. Two things happened after that throughout the course of the sermon that led to me writing this. The first was the preacher quoting other sources just as much as the bible and the second was the Vendetta.

Might as well be this guy doing the preaching with all the Vendetta's you got Mr. Preacher

First to the quoting of other sources. THE BIBLE IS THE FINAL AUTHORITY. I had to put that in caps because it is the only infallible word of God, all others may be looked at with scepticism but if what is said lines up with the whole bible, not just part of it, it must be true. I say the whole bible because a lot of preachers pull verses out of context and disfigure the truth. For example, Peter when confronted about being a follower of Jesus was, according to the sermon, recognized because of the way he spoke. This is true. Preacher guy went on to say, when he was confronted he tried to disprove them by beginning to curse, ergo believers should not curse. Both statements are true but that’s not what is gotten from the verse because the isolation of just that verse gives us a wrong understanding.

The correct way to phrase it in it’s context would be that Peter was recognized as follower of Jesus because of where he was from which was Galilee. A couple verses back he is actually asked the same. It could be argued that Peter’s cursing was for emphasis, swearing if you wish to call it. Disfiguring of the gospel in my example is the lite version of it but I think it stresses my point.

Verses without their context have as much use as this mess

In terms of quoting other sources, my problem lies in quoting other sources as often as you do the bible. This implies on some level put them on par with the bible, I don’t mind the occasional quote here and there but over reliance on other material is fundamentally wrong. The Bible is the foundation on which all preaching should be done, whether one on one or from a podium. The use of aids to help one understand but the aid must point one to the source not away from it. The aid must give one the reason to go to the source and either confirm or dive in for more.

The main thing that drove me up the wall was the vendetta preaching. Now this is across all denominations even my very own Baptists. Notice I have not mentioned the denomination of the preacher, not because it is obvious but because it is irrelevant, why you ask, because this happens across all denominations. Vendetta preaching is when a preacher targets a group of people or an action that he believes to be wrong but the “attack” is targeted at a pseudo-source and not the source/main problem. For example, if the preacher is preaching against homosexuality, the sermon should be about why homosexuality is a sin in Gods eyes and the redemption of the person found in it rather than the sermon being about how homosexuals are going to hell because they are sinning.

I firmly believe that as a Christian I am to hate the sin but love the sinner. This means that if I see that someone is living in sin I do not go head first into an accusation of the person and push to scare them into salvation but I am to tell them of the error of their ways in relation to it being displeasing to God. The vendetta preacher will speak against the use of makeup and jewellery amongst women, the loving preacher will speak about how beauty is not found in excessive outer adornment but a right relationship with God. The vendetta preacher will speak against the taking of alcohol and getting drunk, the loving preacher will speak of how true satisfaction is found in knowing God through the forgiveness of sins.

Loving the sinner but hating the sin must come together or else no help will be rendered

It must be said that there is a thin line between preaching and vendetta preaching and that is why it is a cross denominational issue. They both speak against sin except the source of the sin is where they part ways. The main problem with vendetta preaching is that it guides the sermon. Anyone who has ever been angry with someone else knows that no matter what the person does, you just see the wrong in it. You will see something wrong in any action however mundane. You will grasp at something as small as leaving the toilet seat up/down and the next world war will begin.

The world is out there looking for answers and if as a Christian you have them, is it not an injustice to them to focus on the wrong issues. So what if I eat pork, So what if I have a tattoo, So what if I listen to hip hop music, So what if I sag my pants, So what if I drink alcohol. These questions are not answered by an endless barrage of vendetta messages against them. They are answered by an endless barrage of messages addressing sin in relation to them with the bible as the foundation.

The truth is hard but it must be taught with love not with a vendetta

The message of the bible at heart is man’s reconciliation to God, back to front, front to back, in part or in whole you can’t miss it. The question is what does the bible have to say about my situation in relation to my reconciliation and if you are a Christian how does my situation get affected by my reconciliation to God. These two questions should be asked about all aspects of life, using the bible as foundation whether the situation be what should my attitude be towards school right down to what do I do with my free time

What I think I will do, What I do now and What I will actaully do

I was having a conversation a week or so ago with a friend about Architecture. For the record I do not talk about Architecture all the time, sometimes I talk about Architecture. Just had to put that in. Anyhoo we were on the bus back to campus from Church and we were discussing my main project for the semester which is a wellness center, for those of you who care. I told him how I had initially gone for circular type shapes but had since scrapped that to go for the more common addition and subtraction from four sided shapes. As you may imagine I was called boring and I was accused of going for the easy way out but that was not my reasoning and the best tittle for my reasoning is actually the tittle of this. Allow me to ethplain.

From the top, what I think I will do. When we go to university/college most of us have this fancy idea of what we want to achieve at the end of the day. For the Architect it would probably be something along the lines of designing some ridiculous sky scraper or the next Guggenheim, I’m using broad strokes here. For the Banker it could be working in The World Bank or the central bank of the person’s home country. For the computer guy it could be making some big program or even hacking into some secret service computer etc. Bottom line is most of us have this vivid picture of the “end product”.

The Guggenheim Bilbao

What I do now. When we arrive at university/college there is a lot of enthusiasm towards what we learn, for some this phase lasts a couple weeks but there are special cases where this lasts only a day or two. I’m not that old but I have seen the latter in action, it’s a sad sight. The enthusiasm is “killed” when the guy, I’ll call him the guy, realizes he’s being taken through the basics. But the thing is the guy wants to learn all the “good stuff” now. The most common thing done at this level is to switch on auto pilot. Auto pilot is the mode that has us doing our work just for the result, in short no learning is done. I have to say auto pilot is triggered by several other factors not just this one, the most famous one  being when things get hard just pass. Back home they phrase it “umuntu ku kliya”. Rough translation just get over the line.

The problem with auto pilot is it’s easier to turn on than it is to turn off. It starts as a potential solution then turns into a habit. Habits are actually harder to stop than addictions. So when the time comes for the so called interesting stuff to come in they rarely become that good at it. They work just to get by. Plus a lot of the work done at this point is improved drastically by the foundation level stuff which the guy does not know because he skimmed right through at that point. Two avenues exist at this point. Either they over reach pushing for attractive work or they go on with the habit and spend the majority if not the rest of their life producing mediocre work, accepted but mediocre work.

It's almost like a theme these days

What I will actually do. This part mainly affects the guys who over reach and produce attractive work. I will use Architecture for this as that is my field of study and it is the one in which I am the most versed. The guy gets into the industry and upon arrival he is given small projects; a two bedroomed house on a ridiculous sized piece of land, maybe classrooms for a school. Problem is he was expecting Guggenheim, where is Guggenheim? After all, he did study for it. Guggenheim, for those who don’t know is a foundation that commissioned the building of a number of modern buildings, the most famous of which are the Guggenheim Museum in New York and the Guggenheim Museum in Bilbao. You have seen at least one of the buildings at least once if you look at magazines or even use your phone quite a bit, trust me.

Anyway the guy expects the chance to show the world the designs he was working with in university/college. The fancy circles, the fancy concepts etc. and yet the chance is just not coming. All he is getting is conversions from kitchen to laundry rooms, little joke from the place I did my internship last summer. The result in most cases is disappointment and then he joins the other guy in spending the majority if not the rest of his life producing mediocre work, accepted but mediocre work. As you may have guessed I am anti mediocre work, I hate it with a passion, especially when it comes from me.

The moment you realize the Guggenheim is not coming your way

The reality is that very few of us will ever get to work on the architectural equivalent of the Guggenheim. It’s the truth but don’t get me wrong, this is not a takedown piece of the industry, I love the industry, it has its flaws but I love it. The problem lies in our lust of the explicit and exotic and abandoning the common. The reason we are taught things from the basic/foundation is known but not appreciated. Because these are the principles that allow us to make the common and obvious not so mundane and at a higher level to properly work with the complex at a later stage. A person who is good at his craft should be able to get something simple and go one up on that. If you look at the people who have made advances in anything I think one of the things you will find in common between most is they started off on the simple and did the best that could be done, they went above the normal not just in extravagance but in function as well.

I won’t give example of this because you know a lot. That song has been sung. What I am preaching is to come to terms with giving your all and then some. Produce fine and beautiful work on the simple and so called mundane. What I am preaching is work ethic. What I am preaching is something not common in today’s day and age, in my opinion it has never been common. Being lazy is easy, it doesn’t take a genius. Producing accepted work is doable, maybe not easy but doable. But the thing that gives pride to us is one that after throwing our all into will make us sit back and appreciate the diligence and the result, that’s work. That is what we need to produce

When You Wake Up In Hell

I fancy myself the equivalent of an apprentice to the cousin of a drop out from the poetry academy. So this here is my thoughts on the first few seconds of hell.

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It is a painful picture but for a moment close your eyes and picture with me the moment when you will wake up in hell

Now I hope and pray you won't be one of those but I know some of you in here will

So back to the picture. That first moment when you open your eyes in hell

What will hit you first even as you open your eyes are not the screams all around

Or the help nowhere to be found, not the pain and anguish you feel

But the absence of a presence you once knew to be so... so real

You took it for granted and never noticed it

But because of that absence hell is what it is

That presence that brought you comfort on earth, knowing you were in the hands of the creator

Now gone because all you can feel are the pangs of the tormentor

That presence you now realized was the "X-Factor"

The presence you ignored not knowing that he was the provider

For hell is the only place God is absent, for hells biggest punishment is that God is absent

A place where the torture of the devil for all eternity will not relent

Many think that is the biggest most worrying problem but the truth is the biggest is the absence of the ever present God

So what will you do? What can you do? Nothing!

You chose that life, you chose darkness over light because you wanted to only please you

You thought "that life is boring". As though the joy in your friends’ lives did not correct you

But still you went on chasing sin, doing nothing else but allowing the devil to get more comfortable within

Following the path so wide not knowing that that same path between you and God would be the divide

How foolish you were, how foolish you are. You think the only ones who sell their souls are those who are part of some secret organization

Till failing to gain the whole world and losing your soul becomes your painful realization

But this is me drifting

You in your sinful nature try to be God, He is the one who upholds you without effort or notice

Yet it is you who wants to pretend his presence you do not notice

The heavens declare the glory of the lord do you not see

Will you not just sit back in awe and wonder as his grace sets you free

No! You would rather chase what cannot be caught

How dumb are you to think what men have been searching for in ages past you will be the first to find

This life cannot and will not satisfy!

I have seen poor Christians happier than the celebrities we try to emulate

And yet we do not seem to ask ourselves why the poor Christian is content and the celebrity can't even keep a skin color shade

So today sit back and feel the presence, Ask God why for all your rebelling you are still alive, maybe not well but alive

When you realize that is all for grace don't stand and shout, fall and weep

After that you will experience Joy even in your sleep and maybe even avoid that one dreadful moment when YOU WAKE UP IN HELL!

Imagine Judas

I was reading a book the other night in which a massive betrayal happened between two friends. The thing is the betrayed one knew he was going to be betrayed and yet he still allowed it to happen, not because he knew he would escape, he knew he would die but he also knew his death served a larger purpose. I’m not sure if the writer of the book was meaning to draw comparisons with the Jesus/Judas narrative but the resemblance is there. This led me to think over the life of Judas Iscariot, this is what I came up with

Judas like most Jews had probably heard of how the messiah would come and he looked forward to it, especially because of the rule of the Romans which was less than desirable. I imagine him to be a pretty smart guy who was getting by in life. Then he met Jesus, he was actually called by Jesus and he was enthralled by the wisdom and power of the man. We are astounded by Jesus’ life from the little we have recorded, imagine how he must have been to live around. Judas probably knew at once that this was the messiah. He probably expected any moment that Jesus would make a play for the throne.

Then as time went by his view probably changed. He saw a man who cared more about telling people how to be reconciled to God than any political agenda. There was probably some disappointment involved but I figure it was overtaken by a new agenda. He realized that this man Jesus was a bank with legs. People would donate money to his every day of the week and twice on Sunday. Judas being the smart and shrewd man that he was, was only too keen to be the man to handle the funding, he could even sneak a penny or two out for personal needs, not too much but just enough to get new sandals maybe even that tunic with the stripes.

Could be Judas was saving up for these bad boys

He probably was quite happy that none of the other disciples were looking to get in on his job, they were more interested in sitting and listening to Jesus speak, why couldn’t he do both. And then there was also the power. Jesus gave them power to heal people and even drive out demons. He was not selfish about this and was keen to do some good. He had a sweet deal going on and no one suspected him. Three years in he gets tired of constantly being on the move. His friends from back home had probably settled down with wives and there he was, still on the move. Jesus words were having less and less an effect on him, he had heard it all before. Repent this, the kingdom of God is at hand that. When was it going to end? Then he heard the whispers, the authorities had enough of Jesus and they wanted him dealt with. Put away, possibly even killed.

They were on the way to Jerusalem and Jesus sent him and some other disciple on what he probably looked at as a pointless venture. He had been on a number before and had gotten used to the spectacle, they would find things as Jesus said but it meant less and less to him. Turns out Jesus was organizing a meal for them in Jerusalem but this time it had nothing to do with him collecting money and buying stuff. Judas must have been disappointed. During the meal Jesus goes on and on about stuff that wasn’t making sense, calling the bread his body and the wine his blood, he was always saying enigmatic things like that. Then Jesus said one of them in there would betray him, the thoughts were already spreading in Judas head but it reached its worst when Jesus looked at him and told him to do what he was supposed to do. Judas had no idea what Jesus was talking about but he had had enough

Off he went, to broker the deal

As soon as the meal was over he snuck out and made bee line to the authorities. He was ushered in and explained who he was, then he made his offer. He would give them Jesus, he would take them right to him but he needed to be rewarded for his part. The authorities spoke among themselves then offered him thirty silver pieces, Judas could feel his mouth water at the thought of that much money. This was substantially more than he could pinch from the coffers with Jesus at any one time. The authorities mobilized more men than he thought necessary, considering they said they wouldn’t kill Jesus. He probably tried to tell them that Jesus was just with the eleven others but they told him to lead the way and leave the organizing to them. He shrugged it off and led the way.

As they approached the garden Judas’ heart started beating faster and faster. As they reached the garden he skulked back a little. The authorities took it from there. Jesus told them who he was when they said they were looking for him but they did not move forward, maybe they doubted it was really him, it being dark and all. Then Judas gained the courage and walked up to Jesus for the betraying kiss. As he walked up to Jesus he expected Jesus to be angry or even look sadly betrayed. He kissed Jesus on the cheek and pulled back.

Staring into Jesus face he saw what he was not expecting. Not anger, even sadness at the betrayal or even hatred but love. It’s easier to betray someone when they angry with you but when the person still loves you despite of what you have done and what you are doing, that just hit a different nerve in Judas. What he saw in Jesus eyes, on Jesus face must have shook him to the core. Jesus knew and accepted what Judas had done and still loved him. You can see Judas at this point turning around and running away in shame, the authorities did not care, they got there man. As he ran he could not shake the look on Jesus face. After all he had done, Jesus knew it all and yet he still loved him. Why? Why would Jesus love him? He couldn’t even love himself. Judas probably spent a number of hours being tormented by the love of God and his utter sinfulness till he could take it no more.

All he could see was blood stained money

He probably looked at the money and saw it as blood money, he could not have it and could not use it. So he went back to the authorities to take the money back but the damage was done. Throwing the money at their feet he ran away, tormented by the very same thought. You can see Judas troubled by the thoughts of what he had done. He probably wanted some form of redemption but felt too sinful to be saved. Even if God could and wanted to save him he figured he wasn’t worth saving. Taking matters into his own hands Judas killed himself.

Now I have animated the story in parts, well more than a few parts. But I think the Judas story is one that we can all relate to in one way or another but the one I want to focus on is the part at the end. God’s love towards us elicits one of two responses when it hits us in its magnitude. It is a stumbling block in either situation. Situation one has us broken by it when we realize that for all we have done he still loves us and is willing to redeem us. This situation has us running to him for repentance and salvation because we know that life outside of his grace is hopeless and meaningless. Situation two is the one where we see ourselves as too sinful for us to be saved and Judas was a typical case of this. It must be said that not all commit suicide not even the majority but some do. The rest live their lives always running away from God because they think they are too bad to be saved

This final scenario is ‘pride clothed in false humility’ to borrow a phrase from a poem that I like. It is thinking God is not strong enough to save us. Never equate the power of God to detergent for clothes. Some think that no matter what the stain will just not go because it is too tough or it’s in too deep. Don’t be proud like that, one your stain is not tough for God, nothing is and two God will get you a new shirt, new life, that is better and brighter than the old one. Quit being Judas, quit running. Leave the pride behind and come to God for the forgiveness you need, you’ll never regret it